So it Begins
So it begins.
The silent journey without you. This time, God initiated it I guess, as I couldn't break myself away from you. I can sort of tell you're having a hard time too. So GOD took the initiative. He spoke to both you and me. And yeah so it begins.
Not like I can't live without you. I can, because God's grace is sufficient for me. He is helping me let go of you, surrender you to Him, so I can focus on You. No, He's not asking me to completely let go of you as a friend. You get it.
I know He's molding you too. I know he's fixing up your life. So I have to let Him work in you first. I do not want to hinder His work in you. I do not want to be your stumbling block. So I will have to give way. It's God you know :))
But I know it's going to be for our good. I don't think we'll end up together--if we will---that's another story altogether. According to God's will. We've got a long way to go---well at least for me, I've got a long way to go. God is still writing our separate love stories. If our stories intertwine---God will reveal it in time.
But right now it doesn't matter. It's about our individual, separate journey with God. I want you to focus on Him and His agenda for you. That's the same thing that I will be doing.
So it begins. It's going to be hard, but I know it will be exciting.
I don't want to dance
I don't think I'm ready. I have a lot to learn, a lot to fix in my life. I cannot be forced to dance, because I am still afraid, still restricted. I might just step on your foot, might just bump into you. I would probably just be stubborn and not follow your steps. Be patient with me. I cannot dance until I am ready.
I give up
AYOKO NA. QUIT CONFUSING ME. I HATE THIS.
I give up trying to 'un-confuse' myself with your actions.
I give up trying to know what's on your mind.
I give up trying to decipher your intentions.
I give up. Ayoko na talaga, I really give up.
I give up struggling with my feelings.
I give up. I give it up all to GOD.
Basta ako, magffocus nalang ako sa KANYA.
Sorry ka nalang kung magwithdraw ako. Baka totohanin ko na.
Musings from the heart
I am not your lifesaver.
You speak of men’s need to be saved as if your lives depended on us. You write of how every little compliment, every encouragement, every smile and ever kind act of virtue we do, lighten up your day and affect your very being.
It does flatter us women, to know that we are needed and thought about; to know that we are appreciated for how God created us and how He’s been working in us. It especially flatters us women, to know that we somehow save you from your daily troubles because the cliché was that our kind always needed saving.
Just one question, what do you need saving from?
It scares me to think that we sometimes become your source of strength. Sure, God created us to be ezer kenegdos—helpers against you, to correspond to your strengths and responsibilities. However, when this goes to the extreme, it alarms me to think that I have been your source of encouragement.
What if we commit mistakes? What if we disappoint you? What shall happen? Shall you move on and keep a straight face and harden your spirit again and outwardly say ‘I am strong’? Shall it crumble your world? That shouldn’t be the case.
Your REAL lifesaver is God. We women, are mere instruments of His grace and his love. We should not be your source of strength. Sure, perhaps we do inspire you in one way or another, but then again, bring it back to God. He IS the one you should focus on.
Sygkentronomai
If I withdraw from you so suddenly, one of these days, please do not take it against me.
Even if all of what you are stirs up all kinds of emotions within me, I still have to momentarily let you go.
I cannot move on, I cannot focus on the agenda that God has set in my heart. In all honesty, I cannot think straight every time you’re in my mind and it’s not your fault. I have to focus on God. I do not want to put you on the pedestal for you are not a god, and I know that because you’re imperfect.
No one can ever love me like my God. Therefore he will be my priority, the one I will lavish with love.
I don’t mean that I will discontinue my friendship with you; what I mean is, that I will fix my eyes upon my Savior. Perhaps, time spent with you would be lessened, instead I will just let opportunities for us to spend time to come than to seek it.
What else should I say? Probably nothing else except that I would wait upon the Lord. I wish my emotions weren’t so affected with who you are. I wouldn’t have to deal with this. However, I believe that He is molding me as He is constructing your life as well. I will only ask God to bless you and keep you close to Him, to make you grow and do His will and glorify His name.
That’s all. I just need to concentrate on Him. I need to FOCUS on Him.
